Tod Goldberg offers advice to aspiring writers seeking admission to UCLA’s extension program:
If your book is 750,000 words, I can’t help you. No one can. I’m sorry. Also, if your book is 750,000 words and you’re not a serial killer, there are some questions and comments I have for you: 1. I’m sorry your parents were awful to you, but is it possible that this book won’t solve the whole problem? 2. I’m sorry you were injured in an industrial accident, but this thinly veiled roman a clef about arc welding is not going to give you back your arm, is not going to save the family farm, and will not show the Man that he can’t fuck with you. 3. Just out of curiosity, what time do you get up in the morning?