What’s killing the book industry? I present, for your consideration, Exhibit A:

This post was written by guest blogger Andy Fine.

I can’t decide what pisses me off more: That someone actually published this piece of shit or that the guy claims to have a “loving house.”

Author’s advice: Being “whipped” isn’t so bad

(from the Chicago Sun Times)

As Joe Gumm puts it: Men, for the most part, are Neanderthals. We stink. We say dumb things. And we aren’t much in the way of communicating — especially when it comes to the opposite sex.

But Gumm is trying to help guys out with his new book — Romancing Mommy: 150 Ways to Enhance Your Marriage From Birth and Beyond (Champion Press Ltd., $14.95) — due in stores on Feb. 1.
. . . .
“People tell me I’m whipped, but I don’t care. I have a loving wife, a loving house and a loving family.”
. . . .

Captain Obvious apparently ghost wrote this puppy. More from the book, which hereafter shall be referred to as “that which cannot be mentioned”:

DO:
**Remember Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, her birthday and your anniversary
* Ask her what she wants in the bedroom
* Always wear your wedding ring
* Get along with her mother
* Put the seat down and flush
* Always be well groomed

DON’T:
* Use terms like fat, obese, chunky, lard
* Compare her with other women
* Cuss
* Use “ball and chain” or “old lady”

Gee whiz, Joe, thanks for the advice. I’d have never figured that out on my own — I’m too busy belching, scratching my ass, and drinking milk straight from the carton.

By the way, I realize the inherent hypocrisy in my railing against the snobby book illuminati just last night, then blasting a book for the “common man” today. What can I tell you — I’m complex. Also, that was last night. After a day spent in trial followed by a couple of Xanax and gin cocktails, I’m in a different place. And it isn’t what I’d call “a loving house.”


Newsletter

You might want to subscribe to my free Substack newsletter, Ancestor Trouble, if the name makes intuitive sense to you.