This post was written by Friday guest blogger Annie Reid.

Earlier this week, TFMTML noted this teddy-bear controversy. Seems that the Vermont Teddy Bear Company’s new “Crazy for You” Bear, complete with straightjacket and commitment papers, has created quite a stir. Gov. Jim Davis called the bears “insensitive” at a recent news conference, saying “Mental health is very serious. We should not stigmatize it further with these marketing efforts.”

(Please note that the company’s home Shelburne store sells little straightjackets separately, for easy home accessorization and offense.)

TFMTML notes with sorrow and regret that it’s not the first time socially irresponsible bears have come to light. He lists a few of the other bears which “have caused some controversy in the past few years. ”

Scott Peterson Bear: Comes with its own fishing boat and garbage bag. Says, “I can’t bear to be without you.”

Trashy Heiress Bear” This bear has no distinguishing characteristics save for a vapid stare and the ability to perform fellatio on other bears. The only thing it says is “That’s hott.”

There are more, oh are there ever.

But remember, teddy bears can be used for good, not only for evil. Dr. Mira Kaplan welcomes us into her world of teddy bear healers. Her experiences among the healing bears has lead her into a life “recruiting teddy bears to be messengers for healing and wellness.” Conveniently, you may purchase your own bear healer here. Note the proper meditative technique.

But never forget, gang:

Teddy bears and the methods presented here for your consideration should not be the sole treatment for any significant medical problem.

Word. I’ve got my plush Chtulhu for the rest.


You might want to subscribe to my free Substack newsletter, Ancestor Trouble, if the name makes intuitive sense to you.