Sure, we drove down for the election, for a so-called election night “party”. One by one, the guests slunk off, to get drunk at home. Alone. In the dark. Thank God for Dan Rather. Not only did he refuse to call Ohio for Bush, keeping us edgily optimistic all night long, but it was his folksy wisdom that kept us reaching for the bottle.

Some favorites:

  • “John Kerry’s moon has just moved behind a cloud, as far as Florida is concerned.”
  • (To Joe Lockhart) “I know that you’d rather walk through a furnace in a gasoline suit than consider the possibility that John Kerry would lose Ohio.”
  • “We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he’d carry a handgun.” (Hey, Dan! We used to say that too! Crazy!)
  • Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), on being congratulated on victory by Rather: “Thanks Dan, I always believe you.” Rather: “Now, ladies and gentleman, if you believe that, you’ll believe rocks can grow.”

For a full list of “Ratherisms” from election night 2004, look here.

We spent the night, because after that election, who could drive themselves home? The next morning, we beat it for the outlet mall on the way to the border, for a little retail therapy/economic boost to America. It was the least we could do.


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