Mental query letter

Recently a friend in Florida took a novel-writing workshop with a HarperCollins editor. The editor looked over the first ten pages of her book, made suggestions, and handed over a business card. Now my friend has incorporated the suggestions into her final draft and submitted it to an agent. She’s trying to decide whether to contact the editor, too, before the memory of the workshop fades.

The query letter in her head (scroll down) goes like this:

Dear Ms. —–,

I went to your workshop in June and I learned a lot. You gave me good advice about my novel and said such wonderful things, although I’m sure you were just being nice.

Oh please oh please oh please please please. Please give my little manuscript a chance. I will come and wash coffee cups and read slush for you if you will just give me a chance. Oh please please. Please.

*pitch goes here*

It’s a lovely little novel and I listened very carefully to your suggestions and I did the edits just like you said and oh please please say you want to see my novel. Even though you probably don’t.

An agent is reviewing it. An agent! I am very excited. Of course she’ll probably say no too but at least it sat on a desk in her office, right?

I’m pathetic. I know. But don’t hold that against [name of book]! You said you liked it, you did… please please please say I can send it to you?

Yours in anxiety,



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