Alas, today is Maud’s final day here. The Aulenback Writing Retreat* Business Plan guarantees (one hundred percent or your money back!) the writerly success of its clients and since Maud is our only client thus far, it is absolutely essential that she not leave these premises without a finished manuscript. Therefore I have locked Maud in the third-floor garret for the duration. Each time she completes a certain number of pages, she will receive a teaspoonful of water and a tablespoonful of gruel. Each time she finishes an entire chapter, she’ll be rewarded with a bottle of whiskey. Posting may be light today as I expect to spend much of my time running up and down several flights of stairs with a hot water bottle, several coils of plastic tubing, a roll of duct tape, and a number of brown paper bags.
*One day I hope to run an empire of Aulenback Writing Retreat franchises located throughout North America. I expect the fast food chain A&W to go under any day now and when it does, I’ll be there with my chequebook.