Writing, porn and atoning punishments

Shalom Auslander, who believes God put porn in his path to prevent him from writing a blasphemous memoir, imagines Shakespeare trying to compose Hamlet in the Internet Age.

“So how’s the play coming?” his wife would ask.

“Oh, you know. Middle Act. Not sure about the whole ghost thing.”

“Working late again tonight?”

“Probably. Where’s the Jergen’s?”

It’s a stall tactic, of course, but it’s a good one. My shrink thinks it’s a positive sign.

“Resistance isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re getting close to something deep, something personal.”

I missed that section in Strunk & White. “Wank Unhurriedly.”

Even better, but more sobering, are Auslander’s revelations about the punishing self-mutilations he’s performed as a modern-day burnt offering to God.


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