Write better

From John Warner’s Rounder Characters In No Time Flat!:

Consider the following two passages, and how seemingly slight changes can add nuance and mystery to a character.

“Sister Jane walked down the alleyway. Her habit scraped the filthy ground as she grasped hands with the tiny street urchins, giving them her blessing. At the end of the block, she knelt down, bowed her head and prayed to God to deliver sustenance to these poor souls.”

Vs.

“Sister Jane walked down the alleyway. Her habit scraped the filthy ground as she grasped hands with the tiny street urchins, giving them her blessing. At the end of the block, she looked both ways before driving a boot into the ribs of a passing stray puppy.”

Step aside, E.M. Forster.


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