From “Requirements for a Position as my Lover,” by Jensen Whelan:
5. If you speak any foreign languages, please use them when in bed with me to express your satisfaction. I like this very much. Note, however, that there is a list of â€œacceptableâ€ languages that is subject to change without notice. Languages with guttural stops, and/or hard, throaty aitches will not be acceptable. Also not allowed is the recitation of simple words and phrases from pocket travel guides. This loophole is now closed. So do not, like a previous lover, ask for directions to the nearest toilet in something vaguely resembling French.