Terry Bain (who in accordance with Maud Newton Friday Guest Blogger Rule 1.7356(c)(5)(B)(vi) currently maintains neither a weblog of his own nor any site that could be construed as a weblog on the basis of its blog-like, court-holding properties) will not only be the guest next Friday but has volunteered to step in for your entertainment right now. Yes, folks, right now. Or at least within the hour.
A proper introduction is not possible at the moment, but you can read some of Mr. Bain’s work in the Sweet Fancy Moses archives.
Take, for instance, Ergo: Proctor Hoc:
1. Whenever I go into the restroom at my place of employment, my current boss is already in there like he’s waiting for me, just washing his hands, giddy, happy. He leaves while I’m doing my business, but before I’m out of there he’s back again, washing his hands again, grinning and happy, happy and smiling. Apparently he wants something, but I’m not going to let him have it.
Or, Ergo: Pacifism Sucks:
3. Pacifists are too stupid to understand that revenge is what’s good and right for America in general and Americans in particular because even the Bible says somewhere that you take an eye for an eye and this is a God-fearing country so we have to take out their eyes–we have to blow up some of their buildings and kill some of their civilians and send them into recession of some kind just so we can be right with God. And anyway it wouldn’t be fair if we didn’t. Revenge is all about making things fair and even again.
Perhaps even Ergo: You’ve Already Had Your Free Refill:
7. You secretly wish the girl in the haltertop was working this morning. You don’t make much of a secret of this. You ask the person behind the counter what has happened to the regular girl. Cindy. He tells you he doesn’t know Cindy. This isn’t his regular store, his regular time.