Private: More human than human


In a highly sensible response to the scifi dystopian nature of our current gubernatorial campaign out here in California, one of our local alt-weeklies decided to administer the replicant test from Blade Runner to all the candidates in the SF mayoral election. Based on their evasive answers, it’s obvious that two—possibly three—of them are actually cyborgs. Tom Ammiano had the best responses:

Q: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
A: Call 911.

Q: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tom, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tom. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Tom?
A: That’s interesting. I don’t know. I’m a republican?

Q: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
A: Tenderness. Yelling.