Deborah Solomon’s recent, strange profile of Jonathan Safran Foer includes references to, and lines from, Foer’s voluminous email correspondence (150 messages, “many of them wickedly hilarious, others gravely literary, and running to thousands of words”) with her.
Today Tom Scocca provides imaginary snippets from email that didn’t make the cut (second item). From message number 627:
I told you that I wished I could talk like a black person. It’s more than that, really: I wish, in the give and take between us, that I could give myself to you as a strong black man. You could receive my thoughts as if I were making strong love to you on satin sheets with the music of Barry White or Marvin Gaye playing–making love to you with my large penis, which would not be an offensive racial stereotype yet would be a penis of unmistakable substance. Instead I feel as if I’m humping away in a rabbity fashion on a futon, after a dinner of takeout Italian, with Dido on the stereo, and I’m hoping to make up for my shortcomings with earnest cunnilingus in a little while. This is all just a figure of speech!