From “Hey, Shakespeare, Kiss My Ass,” by Geoff Wolinetz:
You think youâ€™re so great. â€œLook at me. Iâ€™m Shakespeare. Millions of high-school students read my plays and poems. Iâ€™m so cool. Every pretentious jerk with an accent yearns to play the characters in my works. I had sex with Gwyneth Paltrow. I wear this gay-looking collar and have a pointy goatee.â€ You know what I have to say to you, Shakespeare?
Kiss my ass.
Selections from “Varieties of Insanity Known to Affect Authors“:
My first novel took a long time to write, but now that Iâ€™ve been through the process and gotten my feet under me, the rest should go much faster….
Iâ€™ve set my novel aside because Iâ€™m working on a nonfiction book about [some complex, recondite, and divisive subject where even the experts tread softly, about which Iâ€™ve very recently conceived an obsessive interest] that will finally Set Everyone Straight….
I have a friend from my church/school/local bar who knows all about editing and is going to typeset/copy edit/proofread the book for me, so I donâ€™t need to deal with your production staff.
(Via Dust Congress.)