I’m away until at least February 2. With the exception of last Friday, when the lovely Annie Reid worked her usual magic, guest bloggers have been taking over in my absence. I’ve pre-posted introductions to appear before each begins.
Today’s guest, Dennis DiClaudio, A/K/A Captain Badass (see self-portrait, right), co-edits Ducky and (parenthetical note), and maintains his own blog, Dostoevsky is Dead (his problems are over). He also writes plays, performs improvisational comedy and sketch theater, and excels at mocking himself unfairly.
He once wrote something for Haypenny (R.I.P.) entitled “This Story is Much Much Too Good for an Internet e-Zine, But Not Good Enough for a Major Commercial Literary Journal, Like Maybe The Paris Review.” It begins:
When I sat down to write this story, it was my intention to make it good enough so that I might be able to send it to one of the many e-zines that dot the internet like stars in the night sky, but I can see already that I have overshot the mark. This story is too good for an internet e-zine. That first sentence was brilliant. Don’t get me wrong. There are many fine literary journals available for easy perusal right from your very own work desk, and I have, on occasion, found myself quite amused while reading some of them. I will never forget one story that kept me entertained all the way through. I believe it was written by an editor of whichever e-zine it was posted on. I get them confused. I think it had something to do with robots.
And here’s an excerpt from “Rats“:
I have stories like rats; malformed, maladroit, malnourished on slips of paper, backs of receipts, half finished in half-filled notebooks infesting my home so that I cannot walk into the kitchen without being reminded of some progeny which I had nursed partially into creation and then left to rot beside the toaster.
Dennis lives in Philadelphia. If you’re lucky, when you visit, he’ll meet you for breakfast at Carman’s Country Kitchen (“she put the cunt back in country“) and tell a few jokes and let you smoke all of his cigarettes.
Unlike many comedians, Dennis is funny. Really funny. Email him at dennis [at] maudnewton.com.