Tell us a little bit about making the transition from humor writer to police officer.
It was actually pretty easy, since writing humor and enforcing the law have a common goal: exposing lies. Humorists feed off the hypocrisy of institutions, while cops receive a steady diet of b.s. from the general population. It’s astonishing what people will lie about when face-to-face with a cop. I once had someone tell me they were in another state at the moment I was speaking with them.
I linked to one last month, but Fitzcarraldo’s posts at Trueboy are funny and frank and sometimes disturbing:
Tonight I picked up a trashy piece of ass and took him out for steak and single malt. It was my way of toasting the autumn.
The Season of the Witch.
I felt happier than I had in days, despite the fact that the restaurant was filled to the rafters with small-time, small-dick suits and their stupid boobjob miami bitches. The fact was that it felt good to go out and spend some money. The place I spent it in hardly mattered. Well, maybe not â€œhardlyâ€, but it certainly didnâ€™t matter very much. I was fine as long as there was expensive whiskey. Everything, absolutely EVERYTHING is made better by expensive whiskey. That, and a leather backed chair for my soon-to-be boytoy to sprawl improperly in. The steakhouse was tacky, but it certainly wasnâ€™t cheap. I got a secret thrill when I thought of the size of the check and how by paying for it I was going to effectively purchase my boytoy, several times over. Every so often, I reached into my jacket and gently caressed the fat roll in my breast pocketâ€”the perfect tip of my manicured nail just barely brushing the billfold.
(Scroll down to posts labelled “by fitzcarraldo.”)