Your favorite Bible characters, in a durable poly blend

Two years ago, My Kingdom Pals were the height of Evangelical iconography, but Holy Folks dolls have entered the scene. They “come with a certificate of authenticity signed by the creators.” (I could’ve sworn there was only one Creator, but then I never did make it through Paul’s diatribes.)

Market analysts GMB and Max believe the Holy Folks are poised to take charge of the Christian plush doll market, especially if they pursue these simple strategies.
 

GMB: Here’s how I would market them: They’re anatomically correct!*

*Mary doll does not come with vagina.
 

Max: I don’t think Moses was particularly “cuddly” in the Bible. He spent most of the time pissed off, as I recall… at Pharaoh, at the Israelites, and at God. They should give him a scowl and make his stone tablets smash-able.

Also, give him a staff that turns into a snake. The boys would dig that. Maybe he could come with a “plagues of Egypt” kit: barrel of frogs, a barrel of locusts, and some red dye (for the “rivers of blood” effect).
 

GMB: I’m waiting for the plush Jesus on the cross. I love accessories.
 

Max: Coming soon, no doubt. Grinning like the rest of them.
 

GMB: That’s the part that intrigues me. How will they do a plush grinning crucified Jesus? And wouldn’t it be cool it it had one of those press button things, so you could press the button and hear Jesus say stuff like, “Ouch!”
 


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