The Howling Fantods announce the winners of the David Foster Wallace parody contest. (Scroll down to read the winning entries.) Matt Keeley got an honourable mention for this:
The car pulled up into the driveway. Daniel locked up, and went inside.
 Since the reader hasn’t yet been acquainted with this particular car, perhaps she would prefer the indefinite article be used instead.[a]
[a] Even though it’s obvious the car is definite-article-worthy, otherwise she (i.e. the reader) wouldn’t be reading about it.
 A blue 2002 Acura RSX. Though Daniel[a] often wished he bought what he had always heard called a ‘Weego'[b] a/k/a ‘driver’s ed car’ with two sets of controls (i.e. pedals, steering columns, &c.). Not because he was teaching driving or was even a bad driver, but because he always thought they looked wicked.[c]
[a] The driver-slash-owner.
[b] (or perhaps ‘We-Go’)
[c] The only other fantasy Daniel has w/r/t cars: the DeLorean, mainly for the stupid jokes he can make about going back in time when he hits 85[i] m.p.h.
 Or rather glided. Daniel takes very good care of his car despite not being a ‘car person.’
 ‘Up’ has always struck him as an odd term to use in this sense. Daniel’s driveway isn’t on a slight incline as most are, but flat with not even a curb to go over.
 Daniel also regards ‘into’ as he does ‘up’, considering that there is nothing to make an ‘in’ to go ‘to’.
 See note 1 supra.
 It’s not even really a driveway but more like a very short private road.
 Daniel J. Hobart (1975-2036?) has always liked his name, but never diminutive forms like ‘Danny’, not even as a child when such names are commonplace.
 He had a remote-control lock that made things easier. Or so he’d tell himself since turning around, putting a key in a lock and turning it until you hear the ‘snick’ could hardly be called ‘difficult’.
 Strangely, this use of the word ‘up’ didn’t bother him at all.
 He didn’t actually go immediately inside his house, but rather kicked a stone and dawdled a bit before walking to the door and letting himself in.
 Daniel never liked the way the word ‘went’ sounded, but it was still one of his most used words, next to ‘also’ and ‘um’.[i]
[i] Which is hardly even a word, really.
 (i.e. his house)
(Link via Beautiful Stuff.)